Screw Logic
by Team Damon
Summary: It's been a long year, and all Kirk wants to do on his birthday is go out and have a good time while getting ridiculously, hilariously, very excessively drunk, and Spock is going to do it with him - whether the Vulcan likes it or not. Some spoilers for Into Darkness, no slash, oneshot


**A/N: thanks and credit goes to midnightwings96 for this idea :D Hope everyone enjoys, this was a blast to write! :D and again, some spoilers for Into Darkness ahead, so beware :)**

"Oh, come on. If for no other reason, do it for me."

Spock narrowed high, slanted eyebrows at his mate, sitting across from her at his dining room table in his apartment. "How does such a thing benefit you, Nyota?"

Uhura sighed, leaning back in her chair as she replied, "It benefits me because it'll benefit you. Look... we all went through a lot. The two of you went through a lot. And I _know_ he wants you to go."

Spock said nothing, processing his words as he continued to stare blankly at Uhura. "If I were to agree to this, would you accompany me?"

She shook her head sadly. "I can't. I should have been asleep an hour ago. I have a meeting tomorrow at six AM and a lot of transmissions to comb through."

Spock's eyes then traveled down to the table, until Uhura's fingers touched his own, and their eyes met. "I do not think it is productive nor sensible for me to attend this... party, as you call it."

"It's... not really a party," she sighed. "It's drinks at a bar. With men that you've been through hell with. You must know how much it would mean to Jim."

When Spock continued to merely stare at her, Uhura sighed again and rose gracefully to her feet. "You keep acting this way, Spock, and I understand why you do. You're you and that's why I love you. But for people like us, me and Jim... a little bit can go a long way."

She had walked to him, standing in front of his chair before lowering herself to his lap with her hands on his shoulders. His hands rose to her waist automatically as he replied, "I was under the impression that you have found my behavior lately to be more satisfactory regarding your emotional needs."

She smiled slightly and gently touched his cheek. "Yes. I have. But I'm just saying... if you showed up at the bar tonight, even if just for a little while... it would mean a lot to him."

Spock remained impassive, but Uhura could tell by just the slightest twitch in his jaw that he was now considering taking her advice. She leaned in and had just brushed her lips against his when the front door down the hall suddenly burst open, and a chorus of male voices immediately followed. Both heads turned quickly towards the commotion, both too startled to separate before the intruders surfaced.

"Bones, I swear to _God_, if you don't get a grip - Spock!" Jim Kirk bellowed happily with hands held out, as Leonard McCoy and Montgomery Scott appeared at his sides. "Oh, _ho_ - pardon the interruption."

Uhura rolled her eyes and stood up from Spock's lap. Spock himself quickly stood and began, "What is the meaning of this intrusion? How did the three of you bypass the security measures of -"

"That's not important right now," Kirk shrugged as he invaded Spock's personal space and grabbed him by his shoulders. "C'mon, I'll physically drag you to the bar if I have to."

Spock tried to shake off Kirk's hands and protested, "Captain, this is highly -"

"Oh my God," Kirk rolled his eyes, "are you kidding me right now, Spock, we've been over this like a million times - it's Jim. _Jim_."

"It is a habit - I am aware of casual social protocols, Jim, but -"

"Sorry, Uhura," Kirk interrupted as he began to drag Spock away. "He's ours tonight."

She rolled her eyes but smiled a little as Spock looked back to her in alarm. "Don't bring him home too late."

Spock's eyes just barely widened. "Nyota -"

"Nice place you've got here," Scotty said enthusiastically, looking around the modern but simplistic apartment. "Minimalist, but charming, I suppose. Say, you don't happen to have any food, do you?"

"There's food at the bar, Scotty," Kirk said. "Bones, give me a hand."

McCoy scowled but moved forward to help lug the reluctant Spock through the door. Spock continued to struggle and said, "This is highly inappropriate and I must -"

"Oh, shut up for once, would you?" McCoy interrupted in irritation. "Would it kill you to have a good time once in your Vulcan life?"

"I don't know," Scotty said as he glanced back towards Uhura, "at this point, I would tend to think maybe he's actually experienced a good time or two."

Spock's eyes narrowed on the engineer as he was hustled out his own door. "_Scott_ -"

"Quiet time, Spock!" Kirk cheerfully announced as they finally made it out to the hall. "Night, Uhura! Don't wait up for him!"

Once the apartment door was closed and locked, and they were five or so steps into the hallway, Spock dug his heels into the floor and forced Kirk and McCoy to come to a standstill with him. "You may release me now. I do not need to be dragged the entire way to our destination."

"Fair enough," Kirk replied, and Bones happily complied as well. Spock then straightened out his standard-issue black shirt over his similarly standard pants, and Kirk added, "Hey, this is the most casual I've ever seen you. And here I thought you slept in your Starfleet uniform. Or is this a part of the uniform too?"

"If you wish, we can continue to discuss my attire," Spock replied, "or we can leave."

McCoy rolled his eyes and grumbled as he walked ahead, "This'll be great. Just great. Sure, invite the Vulcan for a night of drinking. Perfectly _logical_."

"Oh, McCoy," Scotty replied, walking with the doctor, "don't be such a party pooper. Really, how bad can it be?"

Spock watched the two men walk ahead, then glanced at Kirk, who grinned and raised his eyebrows before they began to walk themselves.

Spock clasped his hands behind his back as they strolled towards the end of the hall, breaking the silence with a polite, "I believe it is customary for me to wish you a happy birthday."

"Thanks," Kirk replied with a smile. "And you won't regret coming tonight. It'll be fun, I promise."

"Seeing as you gave me no choice in the matter," Spock replied, "I do hope you are correct."

* * *

Sulu and Chekov were at the bar waiting at a table when the four men arrived, and within moments Spock found himself sitting awkwardly between Kirk and Scott. Chekov, who was not yet old enough to drink but was perfectly merry anyway with his virgin drink, sat across from them with Sulu, and McCoy sat at Kirk's other side. The table came alive quickly with gregarious voices and suddenly appearing drinks, including a pitcher of beer as well as a round of shots.

Spock peered down into the tiny glass that landed in front of him, then eyed the cup of beer that Kirk slid towards him. He glanced up at Kirk and continued to wear his perfectly neutral expression as Kirk grinned, "Drink up, Spock."

The table suddenly quieted as it's occupants watched and waited for Spock's response. The Vulcan replied evenly with, "I do not believe it to be a wise nor logical idea for me to consume these beverages."

"That's the point," McCoy replied, leaning forward so that he could look past Jim to Spock. "Now, I bought this round, so either drink up or pass it to me."

Spock again looked down at the dark liquid sitting innocently in the shot glass, and Kirk said, "Look, I'm not trying to pressure you into anything, but really, Spock, I think after the year that we've all had, we all deserve a drink. Or ten. So for one night, why not just... let go a little bit?"

Spock could think of many reasons why such a concept was foolish and ill-advised, and he was ready to list them all in order of severity and magnitude of potential consequences, but the sincere look on Jim's face stopped him short. His thoughts flickered back to Nyota, and how she had very nearly convinced him to come here on his own volition before the men had come to smuggle him away.

He had no intention of "letting go", and he certainly would not be participating in any ridiculous antics with these men when their alcoholic intake inevitably led them to act like idiots. But, perhaps he could humor Jim with a drink or two.

"As you wish," Spock said, picking up the shot glass. It seemed far preferable to drink the small amount of liquid there as opposed to the eight ounces of beer also sitting in front of him.

Kirk grinned and held up his own shot glass, motioning for the others to do the same. "Fantastic, Spock! All right, a toast... to me. I only get better with each year, baby."

Eye rolling and chuckling prevailed as the glasses clinked and then poured down their holders' throats. Spock expected the burn and vile taste of the liquid, but when he downed the whiskey, he immediately gagged and lurched forward unintentionally - it was far, far worse than he'd expected, and it tasted even worse than it smelled.

"Yeah!" Kirk half-shouted in victory as Spock mentally willed his gag reflex to calm down. "Spock just drank whiskey! Another round!"

"Jim, I do not enjoy alcohol and I do not want to consume more," Spock said, still sitting stiffly in the chair.

"You don't enjoy alcohol _yet_," Scotty corrected, pointing genially at Spock. "You just haven't drank enough!"

"I agree," Kirk said.

"If I may, Jim, can I ask why you are pushing so hard for this?" Spock asked, genuinely.

Kirk paused a moment before replying, "Well... look, Spock, where I come from, this is what friends do. Go out, have a few drinks together, get into trouble - you get the idea. It's fun. I'm trying to get you to have fun, Spock."

"Fun?" Spock replied, like he was speaking a very, very foreign word, and McCoy groaned next to Kirk.

"Yes," Kirk replied. "Fun. You're going to have some tonight."

"And you mean this to be a... bonding experience?" Spock asked, deducing the captain's words.

"Yes. Logical, right?"

"No," Spock shook his head. "It would be logical for you to seek this sort of experience out with the other men at this table, men with whom you have more in common and who enjoy these outings as you do."

"We have stuff in common," Kirk shrugged. "I mean... we're both guys. We're both in Starfleet. We're both..." his voice trailed off as he seemed to fall deeply in thought. He then quickly snapped his eyes back to Spock's and said, "We both like women!"

Spock arched an eyebrow, and Kirk sighed and added, "Oh, come on, man - we went though a lot together, all right, and frankly, I don't care if we have next to nothing in common. We're friends, and friends drink and have a good time together. So that's what we're gonna do." He set another shot down in front of Spock. "Deal?"

Spock looked down at the glass, then back at Jim. He replied by drinking the shot, and the smile that spread across Jim's face was genuine.

And so it began.

* * *

"So then," Kirk laughed, leaning across the table with his hands held out in front of him mid-story, "so then here's what I do - I say, 'You know, I'm kind of a big deal where I'm from'." McCoy groaned and Scotty laughed heartily as Kirk went on, "I say, I say 'I'm a captain. I fly around the universe and... explore and... sometimes - not all the time, not even half the time, but sometimes, if there's a crisis or something - I even get to blow shit up.' And then I say, 'Want to come back to my place so I can show you my uniform?'"

"Good God, Jim, how does any woman ever sleep with you?" McCoy asked, eyes looking a bit glazed by this point.

"Because, Bones, what woman can resist _this_?" Kirk retorted, gesturing to himself. "I mean, not trying to sound cocky or anything, but _look_ at me."

"I believe you have been turned down several times by various women, Jim, one of whom was none other than Lieutenant Uhura," Spock pointed out.

Kirk raised a finger. "That was different. For one, she was apparently already taken, so... doesn't count. Hey, are you feeling anything yet, Spock?"

"I feel a mild tingling sensation in my fingertips," Spock replied, looking down at said fingers as he spoke.

"Good!" Kirk replied. "You're on your way, now have some more."

Sulu had wandered off to go try to talk up a girl sitting at the bar, and Chekov was attempting to shout on his phone to somebody on the other line, and Kirk was pouring Spock another shot from the whiskey bottle that had been left on the table as Scotty decided to speak up. "Okay, I'm sorry about this, but really, I have to ask; Commander, you and Uhura - _how_?"

"How what, Mr. Scott?" Spock asked evenly before drinking another shot. The liquor was going down more easily now and didn't taste quite as terrible. He also noticed that his lips were beginning to go numb, which was rather odd.

Scotty stared at the table for a moment before squinting and repeating, "How?"

"How else do you think, Scotty?" McCoy interjected. "She spoke some weird stuff in Vulcan to him, the light hit his pointy ears just right, her ponytail's so tight that it's cutting off oxygen to her brain and maybe also causing some ocular damage. Who the hell knows and who the hell cares? I'm gonna see if that blonde needs a drink."

As McCoy walked off and Kirk tried not to laugh and sputter out his drink, Spock noted, "The doctor suggests that a disorder of some kind is the cause of my relationship with Nyota."

"Well," Scotty said with wide eyes, "Spock, try to see things from our perspective - Uhura is..."

"A ten," Kirk said.

"Yes, a ten, and -"

"A ten? What does this mean?" Spock asked.

"On a scale of one to ten, one being hideous and ten being scalding hot, Uhura's a ten," Kirk explained.

"I see," Spock replied. "I am not sure that I am comfortable with this manner of discussion regarding her."

"Then you obviously need more to drink," Kirk said.

Suddenly Scotty's eyes widened and he nearly spat out his beer as he looked across the room. "Is - is McCoy actually getting the lass's number?"

Kirk zeroed in his increasingly unfocused vision on Bones, and he confirmed, "He is. Good for him!"

"Good for him," Scotty scoffed, standing up. "If _he_ can do it, so can I."

A moment after Scotty headed off in search of his own prey, Chekov sighed in frustration and shut off his phone. "I am sorry, Capt - Jim, sorry, _Jim_. I must be getting home, but I had fun. Happy birthday!"

"Thanks for coming out," Kirk smiled before shaking hands with the young man, and then, he and Spock were alone at the table. He glanced at the Vulcan and smiled as he said, "So. Just me and you."

Spock looked at Kirk, his vision starting to swim a little as he asked, "Is it a standard reaction to feel as if your face is burning and not be able to focus your vision on anything?"

"Well I don't know about the face thing being standard," Kirk grinned, "but that's awesome! Come on, come up with me to the bar. You're gonna be my wingman."

"Wingman?" Spock repeated as he was pulled out of his chair. He took a moment to steady himself before Kirk continued to drag him. "I do not understand the meaning of this word."

"It means," Kirk said as he tossed Spock on a bar stool, "you're going to help me pick someone up tonight."

Spock's eyes widened and he said, "Help you how? Is this kind of help even necessary, or are you aiming for a joke at my expense?"

"No!" Kirk insisted, sitting down and signaling the bartender. "No, not at all! Jesus, Spock, can't you accept that I don't have any ulterior motives and that I'm just trying to hang out with someone that I've considered to be my friend for a long time now?"

Another drink landed in front of Spock - he looked at it and blinked a few times, as it came in and out of focus - and quietly he replied, "I suppose that with the exception of Nyota, I am not used to others seeking out my company for the purpose of socializing."

"Well, get used to it," Kirk said, taking a swig from a beer bottle. "At least from me. But I'm glad you brought her up - there's a lot I've been dying to ask, but Uhura won't tell me anything."

"If she won't give you the answers to your questions then I doubt if I will be much more willing."

Kirk ignored the other man's words and half-turned to face him, holding his hands out in front of him as he closed his eyes briefly and asked, "How... the hell... did you guys even happen? I don't mean that in an insulting way, it's just that... well..."

"A relationship between a Vulcan teacher and human student seems illogical?" Spock guessed.

"Well, I was going to go with 'against like twenty Starfleet regulations', but yeah, that too."

"Indeed," Spock said, realizing that he was drinking something and that he had no idea what it was. "Which is why I rejected her advances until she had graduated. Mostly."

Kirk raised his eyebrows and inclined his head. "You... rejected... her advances? Mostly? The hell does mostly mean?"

"Out of respect for her, I have no further comment."

"Oh, no you don't," Kirk said, leaning in closer, which earned another half-hearted glare from Spock. "I want details, Spock."

"I will not give you these details for several reasons, one of which is the fact that I don't trust you to keep them to yourself."

Kirk scoffed. "Are you kidding? I'm not gonna say anything to anyone! Seriously, and this goes for the both of us - whatever's said tonight stays between us."

Spock kept drinking, and his face kept getting more numb. One time he tried to grasp his glass and missed entirely, and had to fumble around to successfully grab it. He was in the middle of a long drink when Kirk turned back to him and asked, "So, do you guys have sex?"

Spock choked on his drink and started coughing, and it was all very undignified and un-Spock-like, so naturally Jim started laughing to the point of pain.

When Spock had recovered enough to speak, he took a breath and replied without looking at the other man, "That is none of your business."

"I never said it was," Kirk laughed, "but when has that ever stopped me? Come on, spill."

"Again, out of respect to Nyota -"

"Oh my _God_," Kirk interrupted and rolled his eyes before rubbing them with two fingers. "All right, well... then I can only assume that the answer is no. That's a shame, you know."

"Why do you assume one answer over another when I did not give you one?" Spock asked, dragging the last word out just a little too much.

"Because, I mean, why else wouldn't you give me an answer unless the answer that's the real answer was an embarrassing answer?" Kirk then furrowed his brows and muttered, "I said that wrong."

"Yes, I believe we are both significantly impaired."

Kirk glanced at Spock and asked, "How are you able to still talk all... perfect and Vulcan-y if you're impaired?"

"It is not without difficulty."

Jim rolled his eyes but then immediately perked up when a lovely brunette suddenly appeared at his left, leaning on the bar and motioning to the bartender. He then nudged Spock and whispered, "Wingman time, buddy."

"What?"

"Heeey," Kirk smiled widely, swiveling around to face the woman. "Where've you been all night?"

The brunette glanced at him and smiled back in amusement. "Just got here."

"Well, then, my birthday just got even better," Kirk said, trying to give her a charming smile but really looking more dazed than anything.

"Happy birthday," she smiled, "...?"

"Kirk," he grinned, "Jim Kirk."

She nodded, looking past him to Spock. "And who's your friend?"

"This is my good friend Spock," Kirk replied.

"Hmm," she said, looking Spock over. "It's not every night you come across a young Vulcan. You boys must be in Starfleet."

"You are correct," Jim grinned, but the brunette was still staring at Spock, who was staring back with increasing awkwardness.

"So why are you on Earth and not New Vulcan?" she asked. "I'd expect a young Vulcan man like you to be busy rebuilding your race."

Spock opened his mouth to reply, but Kirk quickly cut him off. "I didn't get your name."

She smiled. "That's because I didn't give you one."

Kirk smiled back, his sluggish brain unable to believe what was happening.

"Are you single?" she asked, directing her question to Spock. "Because if not, I'd prefer to know now than waste my time."

"I am not," Spock replied, as Kirk stared at him in bewilderment.

"Ah. Well, it was nice meeting you anyway," she said with a smile, grabbing her drink before sauntering off. Kirk watched her leave and then turned to stare at Spock once more.

"Is it... is it the ears that women like?" Kirk asked, face screwed up as he tried to work through this confounding question. "Or is it the bangs? Do I need to cut my hair straight across my forehead and stop smiling?"

"That was only one woman, Jim, and I assure you, I am just as confused as you are."

Kirk drained his glass and scoffed. "No you aren't, and you shouldn't be! There's obviously something about you that women like Uhura and that chick can't resist. Damn if I know what it is. And by the way, you suck as a wingman. Now are you going to answer my question or not?"

"What question?" Spock asked, genuinely unaware.

"You and Uhura!" Kirk replied. "The how and the why. And the what."

"What?"

"What?" Kirk repeated, smiling at their own current alcohol-induced stupidity.

"I am afraid I do not have the mental capacity to understand what you're talking about at the current moment, Jim," Spock said, brows knitting together as he added, "Although I have to admit, this is a very pleasant feeling."

"I know, right?" Kirk crowed, clapping Spock on the back. "It's great! We should totally do this more often, I'm not even kidding. Guy nights like once a week. But anyway, back to Uhura."

"Why do you have this strange desire to learn the private details of my relationship?" Spock asked.

"Because," Kirk shrugged, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I mean, we all wonder. We've all wondered for a long time."

"Wondered about what, exactly?"

"How you got her!" Kirk half-exclaimed, again like it was obvious. "What you guys do and don't do. You know?"

"Why should anyone suspect that our relationship differs from that of anyone else?"

Kirk widened his eyes and replied, "Uh - because you're you and you're Spock and you're Vulcan."

"And you believe Vulcans to be what, exactly? Celibate? Did you not learn the general natures of my race and the similarities to yours during your years as a Starfleet cadet?"

"Yeah, but... oh God," Kirk said, lowering his face into his hands briefly. "So you guys _do_... do things."

"To be frank, Jim, I do not know why you would assume that we do not."

"Bones always says you walk around looking like you haven't gotten laid in your entire life," Kirk shrugged. "He has a point."

"That is very presumptuous of the doctor to make such comments," Spock said. "Perhaps if carried myself in a similar manner as yourself there would not be such a misunderstanding."

"Carry yourself like me - what's that mean?"

"You know my meaning."

Kirk rolled his eyes, then caught a glimpse of a leggy blonde a ways down the bar. "Hey, Spock, I'll be right back. Maybe I'll have better luck without Mister Vulcan-Ladies-Man next to me. I swear, I've never had a problem like this before and then tonight of all nights, on my damn birthday..."

Kirk continued to mumble to himself until he approached the woman, which was when he flashed her a smile and slid on to the empty stool beside her. "Hi. Couldn't help but notice that you're sitting here alone, and that's just not right. Jim Kirk."

She looked down at his extended hand and smiled back as she shook it. "Nice to meet you, Jim Kirk."

"It _is_ nice to meet me, isn't it?" he slurred with a stupid smile. "So, can I buy you a drink? What's your name?"

The blonde laughed. "Oh, you just might be the drunkest guy in here."

"Nah, my buddy's just as wasted as I am," Jim smiled, his eyelids heavy. "So, your name?"

"It's -"

A hand suddenly grabbed the back of Kirk's shirt and dragged him up and off of the stool. "What the -"

He was then tossed against the bar, and when he managed to focus his eyes on the large, vaguely man-shaped blob in front of him, he found himself staring at a very oversized, bald, and angry boyfriend.

"I'm actually glad you tried to scam on my girl," the man said, cracking his knuckles. "I'm in the mood to break an idiot's face."

Kirk grinned and pulled himself - barely - up to his feet fully, and cracked his neck. "Bring it on, Princess." It seemed like a great idea to bait and fight the man, especially when Kirk considered the fact that this guy was obviously no Nero or Khan, and he'd faced those bastards down without so much as blinking. So why not?

The man reared back and took a swing, and Kirk ducked down, laughing as he popped back up. "Ha! Try again!"

And try again the man did, and this time Kirk saw the fist flying at his face before his drunken mind could tell his body to move. He flinched and closed his eyes, all automatic, unintentional reactions, but the blow never came. Instead of getting knocked off his feet, Jim opened one eye to find Spock standing behind the angry boyfriend, bringing the man to his knees and into unconsciousness with a pinch to his neck. After the man fell, Spock looked up to Kirk and then stumbled forward, bracing himself against the bar as Kirk started laughing.

"I take back what I said about you sucking as a wingman," Kirk said as the girlfriend started going into hysterics, having no idea what had just happened to her boyfriend. He clapped Spock on the back again. "Thanks, buddy."

"It was no problem," Spock said as McCoy and Scotty appeared from seemingly nowhere.

"Dammit, Jim, can't we ever have a night out without a fight breaking out?" McCoy grumbled, and Kirk merely smiled and laughed some more. "Come on, both of you. Let's go before this place bans us like the last five bars we went to."

McCoy grabbed Kirk and Scotty shrugged to himself before patting Spock's shoulder. "Come on, big guy."

"I need no assistance," Spock said, turning and then attempting to walk. He immediately stumbled, and the slightly more sober Scotty caught him.

"Easy, easy - how much did you drink?" Scotty asked, putting one of Spock's arms around his shoulders as he went to walk him out.

"I do not know the exact number of drinks, but clearly it was excessive," Spock slurred, disturbed when he couldn't piece together the exact number of fluid ounces consumed.

"You don't say," Scotty laughed, and then a moment later, they were out in the cold night air. McCoy had already hailed a cab, and was wrestling Kirk away from a few females making their way into the bar.

Once they were all crammed into the cab - McCoy, Kirk and Spock stuffed into the backseat, while Scotty sat gleefully in the front - Kirk immediately closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the seat. "I. Feel. _Great_."

McCoy scowled. "That makes one of us."

"I think I may have held the pinch on that man at the bar for slightly too long," Spock said, eyes unfocused but concerned.

McCoy glanced at the Vulcan and asked, "Meaning?"

"The chances of death are slim, but he may be out for quite a bit longer than I intended."

"Well," Kirk slurred, bringing his head forward but not bothering to open his eyes, "you know what they say - don't drink and pinch." He then started laughing like he'd never heard anything so utterly hilarious before, and let his head fall back again. This time it also rolled on to Spock's shoulder.

Spock glanced down stiffly at his friend and took a moment to focus on forming words before he spoke. Then he got distracted by the lights of cars passing them and forgot what he'd been planning to say until Kirk suddenly mumbled, "You smell good."

Spock's eyes widened and he suddenly managed to focus himself again. "Jim, you are not merely invading my personal space. You are obliterating it."

McCoy pulled Kirk back, and Kirk responded by batting McCoy's hands away and protesting, "Geez, guys, lighten up. By the way, where are we going?"

"Spock's place is closest," Scotty said from the front seat. "We can drop him off first."

"Spock's plaaace!" Kirk cheered. "We can say hi to Uhura again. Hey guys, guys, guess what - they do have sex. Spock says they do it all the time."

Spock groaned and Kirk continued to laugh. Scotty glanced back and looked at McCoy with wide eyes and exclaimed, "See? See?! I told you! I was right! You owe me a steak dinner!"

"Yeah, yeah," McCoy muttered. "I still don't believe it."

"Perhaps you guys should ask Nyota yourselves," Spock said unexpectedly. "I'm sure she could confirm the truth to your satisfaction."

"Don't say her name and the word satisfaction in the same paragraph," Kirk groaned. "I mean sentence. Damn. Are we there yet?"

They arrived "there" a moment or two later, and when Spock tried to insist that they stay in the cab and go on to their own places, Kirk protested loudly and threw himself out of the car and stumbled after him. The two other men followed, eventually having to help both Kirk and Spock into the building the same way they'd had to help them out of the bar.

They stumbled in loudly, despite Spock's reminders that Nyota would be sleeping and needed to stay asleep, but four drunk men at varying levels of intoxication could only manage so much quietness. As soon as they were inside of the apartment and had turned on a lamp in the living room, a half-asleep Nyota came out of the bedroom in thin shorts and a tank top, her hair down and slightly messy as she stared at the sight waiting in the living room.

Spock had turned on a lamp and promptly fell against it, shattering it as it, and he, hit the wall, while Scotty watched helplessly. Kirk threw off McCoy's arm and came hurtling towards Nyota, screeching, "U-hurrr-a! You should have come out tonight, Lieutenant, I'm telling you!"

She ducked and avoided his attempted hug, and he hit the wall instead. "Spock," she sighed groggily, going to help him get up from his place slumped against the now-broken lamp. "Are you okay?"

"Fine, Nyota," Spock muttered as she and Scotty helped him up, but he could barely open his eyes and thus wasn't very convincing.

"How much did you have to drink?" she asked, smiling a little bit as she she touched Spock's cheek.

"I do not know," he replied, her familiar scent entering his nose and stirring feelings he couldn't hope to control at the present time. He tossed Scotty off of him and grabbed her face, kissing her deeply as Scotty and McCoy gaped and watched the whole sloppy display.

"Good... God," McCoy muttered, caught between horror and odd fascination.

"You could say that," Scotty nodded.

Gently, Nyota pushed her drunk boyfriend away. "Okay, okay. Calm down. Where's Kirk?"

Spock growled lightly against her neck while McCoy's eyes quickly scanned the room. Where _was_ Kirk?

"Never mind," Nyota rolled her eyes, walking Spock towards the bedroom. "I'm sure I know where he is."

Sure enough, Kirk was sprawled out on Spock's bed, on the same side that Nyota had been sleeping on just a moment ago, on his stomach, already snoring. She rolled her eyes, supporting Spock as they stood in the doorway, then shoved him off of her as he tried to attack her neck. "I might have been into this if I didn't have to wake up in four hours, Spock."

"But you -" he stumbled against his dresser and jabbed his side on a sharp corner of it " - you told me to go out. I was only doing as you asked."

As McCoy and Scotty watched, highly amused, Nyota went to help him again and sighed, "No, I'm glad you did. I'm just half-asleep, okay, and I've got to get back to sleep, so... here, let's get you into bed."

Spock didn't protest, apparently not noticing that Kirk was also asleep in his bed, and as soon as Nyota had helped him down and kissed him lightly as his head hit the pillow, his eyes closed, and she breathed a sigh of relief.

She then turned and raised her eyebrows to the two men in the doorway. "Out. Now. Both of you."

"Would you mind if I maybe took a quick picture?" Scotty asked.

"Yeah, if we don't capture this I'll never forgive myself," McCoy admitted.

"Not my problem," Nyota replied. "Out."

She closed the bedroom door behind her and trudged off to the couch, too tired and simply not caring enough to bother trying to get Kirk out of her bed. Meanwhile, as Spock drifted off to sleep behind the swirling, twisting, turning darkness of his eyelids, a very groggy but clear voice beside him jarred him back awake. "Spork? ... Oh God. I just called you Spork, I'm sorry. Spock."

Spock forced his eyes open and looked to his left. Why was Jim in his bed? When had he gotten there? "Jim?"

"Thanks for coming out, buddy," Kirk mumbled against the sheets without opening his eyes. "I had fun."

Spock let a second or two passed before he replied. "So did I."

"You're a... you're a good guy," Kirk said. "Good friend. Great friend. You know Uhura told me how you snapped when I... you know."

Kirk's breathing in between his words sounded like real snores, and Spock had to wonder if he was sleep-talking. Or maybe he was already asleep and he was simply dreaming this, since Kirk's presence in his bed made no sense in the first place.

"And anyway... I just wanted you to know that I think you're great. Like, sometimes I want to strangle you and throw you out a window, but most of the time you're great. Really great. Real-ly... yeah. And I'm glad you've got Uhura. I'm happy for you guys. You're both great."

In the midst of Kirk's rambling, Spock experienced one of the other side effects of alcohol consumption, an extension of what he'd already experienced when Nyota's scent wafted up into his nose and made him pounce on her - heightened emotions, magnified to the point of sloppiness. It felt sloppy, ridiculous even, but he couldn't help it. His control was fading, even more so as Kirk's words brought back vivid memories of watching his friend die, deep in the heart of the Enterprise.

"If I ever get married," Jim continued to ramble, "I want you to be my best man. I'm serious. I mean, it probably won't happen for a long time, but still."

"I would like the same," Spock replied. "If Nyota and I marry."

"Awesome," Kirk muttered, the snores getting louder. "I still can't believe I called you Spork."

Vaguely, through the haze of his drunken half-sleep and in-between state of consciousness, Jim heard something that sounded like a snort. At first he let it go over his head, but then he realized that it would have had to have been Spock who snorted. Spock... who didn't laugh, and rarely ever quirked the corner of his lips in a fraction of a smile.

"Did... did you just laugh?" Kirk asked in disbelief, opening his eyes for the first time since he hit the bed.

"Vulcans do not laugh."

"And they also don't lie," Kirk replied. "Did you really just snort-laugh?"

"... I have no comment."

Kirk laughed before finally giving in fully to his exhaustion, closing his eyes again and filling the air with snores that made his other ones sound like whispers. Spock felt the corner of his mouth twitch just a little bit just before he drifted off himself.

* * *

Spock woke up first the next morning. He bolted upright around 6 AM, consumed by nausea and immensely relieved to find a large bowl by the side of the bed to throw up in. He didn't know how it got there or why it was needed, and in that moment couldn't remember a single thing or think, and it was possibly the most foreign feeling he'd ever experienced.

Kirk awoke when Spock began loudly retching over the edge of the bed. Significantly more accustomed to epic nights of heavy drinking, he sat up and blinked several times, having no idea of where he was, and first checking his state of dress. It was a good place to start when trying to figure out where one was, and unlike many, if not most, other times, he looked down to find himself fully clothed.

_Disappointing_, he thought, until he glanced to the other side of the bed and found his Vulcan friend in the midst of violently throwing up. He remembered then - his birthday, the bar, the almost-barfight, and falling face first into Spock's bed and thinking it was hilarious. He didn't remember anything after that and assumed that was when he'd fallen asleep. He also decided that it was very not-disappointing that he'd woken up fully clothed - in fact, if the opposite had been true, he would have already been screaming.

When the seemingly unending spewing at last abated, Spock gasped as he tried to catch his breath, then sat up and noticed the other man in his bed for the first time. Kirk wished he had a camera handy to capture the wide-eyed, confused, bewildered, and mildly terrified expression on the Vulcan's face.

"Oh yeah," Kirk grinned just before Spock started heaving again. "We definitely need to drink together more often."


End file.
